NPC Bikini: 2 Weeks Out. Brain-Dead, Tired and Hangry

17 Days. I can do it. I can do iiiiiit. Can't I?! 

Mental State:

• Hunger. Intense feelings of hunger - aka HANGRY pains. I literally think about food 90% of the day. The other 10% I'm asleep.
• Doubt. Am I ready? Since this is my first show, I have no benchmark on how I should feel/look. Am I lean enough? Is my stomach flat enough? Are my glutes getting TOO flat? It's been a hard balance to strike - leaning out while keeping any size on me. I'm losing weight rapidly without really changing much - so I'm almost a bit nervous of coming out on stage looking flat... but I am trusting the process, my coach and my body. Whichever shape I bring out on stage is the shape I'm meant to have on show day. 
• Fog. Not like London Fog. MENTAL fog. I've gone grocery shopping without my wallet THREE times. I've missed calls at work. I constantly leave the house and realize I've forgotten something once I'm driving out of the neighborhood. I'm just completely OUT.OF.IT. 
• Grateful. I've worked SO hard since May for this body, and it's been great to me. Thank g-d I've had no injuries - I may be small, but I'm mighty! I'm also greatful for my friends, my coach, my teammates and everyone who has stuck by my side and given me words of encouragement when I wanted to cry, quit or both!
• Excitement. Thanks to my awesome teammates, I'm excited for show weekend!! As I've mentioned, hair, tan and makeup are all booked. Now it's fun thinking about lounging around with girlfriends and enjoying the event itself.  
• Guilt. I'm feeling guilty for having thoughts of pushing a small child out of my way for a brownie. Or a Quest Bar. Or a protein shake. Or anything OTHER than chicken, fish, green beans  or asparagus. 

Workouts:

• So.Over.Cardio. It's not even that I hate cardio (kinda do, but it's a necessary evil) - it's just that I'm so tired. It's hard for me to get motivated to power through sprints and stairmill circuits when all I want to do is nap! I've started taking High Volume by PEScience and love it. Totally helps give you a pump with zero caffeine. If only it would take away my cravings for food other than chicken and asparagus!
• Still powering through my lifting sessions. I actually got the chance to meet Lee Haney a few weeks ago at my coach's gym - what a nice guy!! He went up to Coach Steve and said "Hey Steve, is that one of your competitors? She looks beautiful." I had no idea who he was! Steve looked at me and said "You do realize that is Lee Haney himself, right?" Color me embarrassed. Here I was, bitching and moaning through 5 sets of pull-ups in front of a bodybuilding legend!

Nutrition:

• I'm trying my best, but hot damn I'm OVER this diet. Eating chicken or fish 7 times a day is just not fun folks. Especially when you factor in zero sodium. Actually, that's a lie. I've been using mustard or hot sauce - but those are gone 2 weeks out. So now it's plain 'ol protein. It's a constant internal battle between I'm so hungry and I hate the way this fish tastes.
• I want carbs. All the carbs. I've been trying to de-bloat my belly however possible and cutting starchy carbs was the first way. So now I'm eating 4oz of butternut squash with some cinnamon as my carb source for lunch & dinner. I'm still having my WHOPPING 1/4 cup old-fashioned oats in water for breakfast. I swear, I long for the mornings of oatmeal with almonds and a cut up banana. 
• Like I mention above, I'm trying to do whatever I can to get rid of any last belly bloat before the show. So a new nightly ritual of Dandelion tea and chugging lemon water are now part of my daily routine. 

Life Lately:

• I went to a friend's wedding over the weekend and rocked a new dress (which fit when I bought it 3 weeks ago but I had to have it taken in last minute!). I was proud of myself for having ZERO alcohol at the wedding, zero wedding cake (although I did try a bite of a french macaron - my all time fave), snacking on a Quest bar during cocktail hour and making good decisions on clean veggies and lean protein during the reception. It was NOT easy - but I made it happen. Mind over matter. . 

Late night abs: