Don't Fall In Love. Rise In It.

I used to think drama in relationships was inevitable.

I used to think relationships were a lot of work.

I used to think I wasn’t deserving of true love.

I used to think I’d never let my walls down long enough to experience love.

And ultimately, I used to think if I ever did meet the right one, I’d fall in love.

I had it all wrong.

I did meet the right one. But instead of falling in love, I rose in love.

This love is easy. In fact, it’s the easiest thing I’ve ever done.

I don’t have to worry. I don’t have to wonder.

I don’t have to fight for my relationship’s success.

I may not always be easy going, but I’m in the calmest place I’ve ever been.

Any time two people come together – be it in a work relationship, a friendship or a passionate relationship – there will be bumps in the road. After all, that’s what happens when two opinions, two thought processes and two egos are brought together. But bumps are merely ways to gain greater understanding of one another. They’re meant to educate us and ultimately bring us closer together.

I’m not writing this to brag about the love I am graced to receive. I am writing this because there were many years of wondering, of worrying, of crying – scared that I would never find it. That I’d never meet someone who loved me and stood by me. That I’d never meet someone I wanted to open the dark corners of myself to.

But here I am. I’m still the same imperfectly perfect someone. It is possible. It’s possible to find someone who loves all the things the people before ran from. It’s possible to find someone who makes being vulnerable not seem so scary. It’s possible to find someone who brings purpose to your life like you never imagined.

I write this in case you – or anyone you know or love – is scared. Scared they’re undeserving. Scared that after too much heartbreak it’s just not possible. I’m here to tell you it is.

Rising in love has humbled me in a way I never imagined. It has woken me up in the middle of my life. It has brought meaning to the most meaningless things. It makes me strive to be softer. To be kinder. To be more tolerant. And for those reasons – and a million more – I will never be the same. And that’s 100% okay by me.

                 

The Time I Tried...Loving the SH*T Out of Being Single

Sooooo.... I've just gone on 14 dates in the past 14 days.

I'm not even quite sure how I survived this little experiment, but I did. I'm sure your first question is, where did these potential suitors come from? Men don't grow on trees! Well, considering my past experience with Tinder, I figured give it a shot. After a few days of "Hey there" and "You're pretty" I decided Tinder and I needed to break-up. Like, officially breakup. #icanteven 

Oddly enough, when it rains, it pours. After deleting that app for good, suddenly I had friends setting me up left and right, and met quite a few guys just out and about. I promised myself I'd be open to the possibilities, so I said yes. 14 times.

After dog park dates, coffee dates, cheat meal dinner dates, gym dates, "happy hour dates" (I use quotes as it was more of a "get water wasted" date for me), there was even a date I met while traveling who flew to Atlanta to take me to dinner. After my two week "say yes" experiment, I must say. I'm exhausted. 

And not just tired - but wondering WHY I'm acting like a dang Salmon and swimming upstream. I'm single. And what? Be single!

So in the spirit of me embracing every ounce of my singleness, here are a few simple ways all my fellow singletons can try (Hey - some of this even applies to my happily-married/dating friends. Self-love never hurt!)

1. Choose You: Even if it means saying no, cancelling plans (although don't cancel last minute - that's just rude!), or staying in on a Saturday night. Don't feel guilty. If it feeds your soul, do it. If it doesn't bring you happiness, abstain. One particular day last week, I rocked the crap out of a 5am workout, worked all day, taught a double header at barre and headed straight out for a date. Did I feel guilty for sipping my tea and calling it a night early? Not a bit. Oddly enough, we're going on a second date next week. I guess my sober grandma status is appealing to some! 
2. Stay True to You: We've all done it. Said what we thought someone wanted to hear. Held back on what we really wanted to tell someone. I no longer swallow words. I speak my truth - whether it's pretty, whether my voice shakes. And if it's not my truth, I don't speak it.
3. Dress for You: This is almost embarrassing to admit, but I remember when I was married my appearance was a direct reflection of my husband's taste. I always wanted him to find me attractive, so I would wear the clothes I knew he liked (skirts and dresses) and style my hair the way he wanted (blonde, long and slicked back). I think the first thing I did after the ink dried on our papers was dye my hair back to brown. I know everyone has done something of the sort. Worn something or done something to appeal to our partner. Embracing our singleness means we get to dress for us! Working from home and practically living in the gym leaves little time for non-Lulu inspired outfits. On the rare occasion I am dressed in "normal" clothes, I want to feel beautiful. I've begun purchasing fun, summer outfits like crop tops, new bikinis, and short shorts that make me feel sexy and pretty at the same time.
4. Toss the Rear-View Mirror: It's always painful when we realize we spent far too long romanticizing a relationship that wasn't what we thought it was. After tons of self-reflection, I had to realize that my relationship last year came to an end for a very similar reason my marriage did. Simply put, the relationship wasn't strong enough. If we were to poll friends and family who have been married for any long period of time, will they tell us it has always been perfect every moment of every day? Hell no. There are storms. There are times when you stare, dumbfounded, wondering how on earth you love this person yet want to strangle them all at the same time. Great relationships aren't great because they're perfect. They're great because they're comprised of two people who love each other enough to always work it out. Coming to peace with the end of the relationship I thought would be my last has made me realize that sometimes new beginnings are disguised as painful endings. Letting go was difficult, but it was necessary. I started getting so frustrated with myself for holding on to something I knew was over. Now, I take it as such a positive - I am poised to become a stronger partner for the man who will put in the work with me.
5. Enjoy Your Company: Friday night protein shakes and netflix in my underwear dates (with myself) are my new fave. Manis/pedis and afternoon shopping. Workouts and posing practice on Saturday afternoons. I'm spending more time than every before alone with myself. And pleasantly figuring out... I'm a pretty cool ass chick! Find those things you love to do alone - without outside company, without your phone glued to your hand. Get out in the fresh air, play with your pup, read a book. Discover all the reasons you're so bad ass. 
6. Understand Where Your Energy Goes. For example, clearly we know where my energy was the past two weeks. And you know what? It was too much. Not enough time spent nurturing friendships and keeping up with family. Not enough time sleeping. Not enough time with Lucy. I spread myself too thin and neglecting the things in my life that truly bring me happiness. Identify some energy sucking activities/people/hobbies that simply are not worth your energy. And remove them from your life. Or, at the least, recognize that something needs to change - and work towards rectifying it. There are only 24 hours in a day. Choose wisely. 
7. Love Yourself Even When You Fail: Because it's not a question of if you'll fail. You will. We all do. However small or large the failure is, continue loving yourself. And whatever you do, never ever put the key to your happiness in someone else's pocket. 

XO,
Jenn

First-date Hot Spots that Aren't So HOT

When it comes to being single, I am so relieved to be a woman. 

Don't get me wrong, dating as a female has its own set of challenges. So many questions constantly swirling, the pressure of balancing your standards and not setting any expectations, and now not being able to go for drinks or eat on said dates throws yet another wrench in the mix. HOWEVER, I wouldn't trade it all to be the man - as it's usually the guy who is responsible for coming up with the first date activity. 

And according to a recent infographic published by mobile dating app Clover, top first-date hot spots in the US are a bit embarrassing. As a girl who has gone on her fair share of Starbucks first-dates (who wants to commit to dinner if we can't stand each other after the first 5 minutes?!), but correct me if I'm wrong - love at first 2 for $20 at Applebees doesn't spell romance to this girl. 

Here is the complete list as published by Clover:

The above list got me thinking... there must be handfuls of date ideas that are tons of fun and don't require going elbow deep on burrito bowls, baskets of wings and buckets of beer. 

I personally love the idea of being active on a date. It gets the blood flowing, let's you invade each others personal space (if sparks are flying) and let's you see the other person in action. Romantic dinners and endless lunches at Chiptole are definitely great once you're dating/in a relationship, but why not bring some level of creativity to the sacred first date?

This whole idea sparked my curiosity and I've put pen to paper: If I were a man, which types of dates would I plan?! (Disclaimer: some might work well for a first date, others might be date numero dos or tres)

What about.... 

Pack a picnic and hit a local park - how fun to kick off your shoes and share a blanket on a sunny day!

Ride a ferris wheel (if sparks are flying, I wouldn't hate a kiss at the top!)

Check out a music festival

Take a hike - get those endorphins pumping!

Drive-in movie

Catch a sunset after work 

Go for a bike ride

Play bocce ball

Mini golfing- why not break out your inner-childish self

Tubing - you get to see each other in a swimsuit! 

Rock climb - you get a view of my butt! #winning

See a baseball game 

Try archery - queue the cheesy "you hit the bulls eye" jokes

Go to the zoo 

Watch a sunrise - make to-go cups of coffee and head out somewhere peaceful and quiet

Kayaking 

What about you? Any creative first date ideas that have burned a hole (good or bad!) in your memory?

XO,

Jenn