Let Go of the Oars

Let go of the oars. 

The quote originates from New York Times best-selling author Esther Hicks and for those of you who haven’t heard of her, Hicks’ teachings were the original inspiration for “The Secret” and she’s noted as contributing to a global paradigm shift in consciousness.

Have you ever thought that perhaps everything you want is downstream, not upstream like we assume it to be? In America, particularly those of us working in Corporate America, we are programmed to work hard and rest less. When the going gets tough and life fails to live up to our expectations, we paddle harder and faster. We assume if we try harder, everything will be resolved and our goals can be achieved.

Here’s why I struggle with this philosophy. Life isn’t meant to be hard. We shouldn’t have to constantly be struggling. I like to believe that while it’s never perfect, life is intended to be calm and enjoyable. I wonder – what if we let go of the oars?

Once we do, the boat (our life) will likely turn itself around and allow the current to carry us downstream.

It has taken me years to comprehend the concept that sometimes we need to surrender, relinquish control and just let-go of our beliefs on when or how things should happen in life.

I can recall plenty of hard times when I found myself yelling (to no one in particular) WHY. Why me? Why is this happening? Why am I experiencing such pain. The greatest disappointments come when we cling stubbornly to the ideas of what our lives should look like.

These are the moments when it’s so important that we let go of the oars and let our boat take us downstream.

Stop fighting the current, stop exhausting yourself paddling upstream.

Let it go. Breathe. Have faith. There is a plan for you. Everything will be okay in the end. And if it’s not okay, it’s not the end.

XO,

Jenn 

Carbs are NOT the Enemy!

Confused about carbs?? It's amazing how often I hear people say they're going "low carb" or how they're scared to eat that morning bowl of oats... and I just want to scream out "Carbs are not the enemy!!!"

Now, that's not to say I'd suggest hitting your local greasy spoon for a tall stack of pancakes drenched in butter and syrup, followed up by a burger on a hot, buttery bun with a side of fries for lunch... all washed down with a bowl of Fettuccine Alfredo for dinner. All I'm saying is carbs are not the enemy. And we should stop treating them as such. 

Let's debunk some common carbs myths and discuss the benefits of eating those tasty whole grains! 

1) They fuel your workout. Take it from someone who had their carbs cut as they trained for 3 hours a day, 6 days a week, in preparation for my first fitness competition. Carbs are life. Okay, maybe not life, but carbs do help fuel you for those long, grueling workouts. I'll give you a real-life example:
I was one month out from my show and headed into my local gym for leg day. Now I think it's worth mentioning, I LOVE leg day!! I train glutes directly once a week, hammies once and quads once. That's three days where I beat the every living life out of my little legs. So you can imagine my amazement when I loaded my barbell with 165lbs (a weight I never had trouble picking up thus far) and couldn't get it off the ground. I'm not talking couldn't fully extend... I'm talking not even an inch off the ground. I had ZERO energy and less than zero strength. Prior to cutting carbs, I was crushing 50 pullups a day. Once my carbs were cut, I could barely throw my 100lb body up to the bar... it was brutal. 
The lesson I learned is that our bodies need carbs - ESPECIALLY before and after we lift. Which leads me to my next point...
2) They help build muscle mass. Ingesting carbs after a workout kicks off the recovery and muscle growth process! After an intense gym session, our bodies are depleted of glycogen (stored energy) and glucose (usable energy). The reason being, when we're lifting weights our muscles are working hard - using up all available glucose and glycogen for energy. Once our bodies get to a point where there is simply no more glucose/glycogen left to use, we then begin secreting the hormone cortisol - which essentially eats up our muscle tissue for protein and converts it into glucose. This whole process - known as gluconeogenesis - results in a loss of muscle tissue. What a bummer, right?? Which is why it's critical to ingest carbs and protein - getting them to your exhausted muscles immediately following a tough workout. 
3) They help you recover faster. Eating complex carbohydrates after an intense lifting session can minimize delayed onset muscle soreness by replenishing glycogen levels, support immune system function, and assist with overall muscle repair (when paired with protein). 

And if the reasons above aren't enough, let's face it. Carbs are freakin delicious. Just remember that mostly EVERYTHING we eat has carbs. Fruit, vegetables, multi-vitamins, you name it! However, all carbs are not created equal. Some great complex carbohydrates to add into your diet are:

• Brown rice
• Oatmeal (cook it in water and fold egg whites in at the end!)
• Sweet potatoes
• Quinoa 
• Brown rice cakes
• Ezekiel bread (their cinnamon raisin bread toasted and topped with a tablespoon of almond butter is the BOMB dot com)
• All veggies

If you take away one thing from this post, I hope that it is the mere fact that carbs - and food in general - are not the enemy. They're fuel. They work in conjunction with our training routines and should be enjoyed and appreciated. Life is too short to live in fear of food!

XO,

Jenn

Lately I’ve Been…

Cooking: Pro-oats. Must be this chilly winter weather, but I’ve been craving warm, comforting bowls of pro-oats! For those not familiar, here’s how I make it: 1/3 cup old-fashioned oats cooked in water. At the end, I stir in 2-3 egg whites until nice and fluffy. I pour that into a bowl and top with whatever my heart desires. Usually 2oz fresh blueberries, shredded unsweetened coconut, and 1 teaspoon Buff Bake. It’s quite possibly the most epic combo of complex carbs, healthy fats and lean protein. YUM!

Drinking: Dunkin Donuts Cinnamon Coffee Cake Coffee. This flavored coffee makes me miss coffee creamer just a bit less (WHY must those yummy coffee creamers be SO bad for you?!) And copious amounts of Petite Syrah.

Reading: China Rich Girlfriend (the sequel to Crazy Rich Asians). I started this series with my book club last year and found it hilarious. If you’re looking for an entertaining mindless read, check it out!

Wanting: These super cute headbands. I hate hair in my face during workouts! And they’re only $5!!

Hawaii here we come!

Looking: At pictures of Kauai. I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii – and I’m crazy excited to be celebrating the big 3-2 there in April. Someone needs to take away my Pinterest account..

Playing: Candy Crush. Worst killer of productivity EVER.  To make matters worse, I’m so terrible at it. Ken keeps telling me to “get combos” and I just keep losing. The worst part is after you lose, the game makes you click “Give Up.” Way to kick someone when they’re down.

Wishing: For warmer weather. WHY is it so cold?? I didn’t leave NYC and move to the South for sub 20 degree temps!

Enjoying: Time with my man. Being in my first long distance relationship has opened my eyes to what quality time between two people is all about. We don’t have the option of calling each other and saying “Hey, want to go grab a movie and dinner?” So the time we do have… I soak it in. Every. Single. Minute!  

Waiting: For the second season of Amazon’s show, The Man in the High Castle. If you haven’t heard of it, it’s a show told from the perspective as if Germany won WWII. It’s mind blowing and I highly encourage you check it out before the second season is released this year!

Liking: Jesse James Decker youtube videos on how to style your hair and do fun date-night makeup tricks. I need all the help I can get!

Wondering: What my next fitness-related goal will be. It still feels SO weird not to have a goal set in stone. My resolution this year was to have none (ridiculous, I know). So far we’re 19 days into the year and I’m already thinking I’m far too type-A for this shit. The Big Sur Half Marathon in November is sounding pretty sweet. And maybe getting my NASM Personal Training Certification. We shall see.

Loving: My Anastasia Brow Wiz. I have it in Caramel and love the way it lets me fill in my overly tweezed brows!

Needing: More Buff Bake. Have you ever heard of it?! Nectar of the g-ds. Almond butter with added whey protein in crazy good flavors like Snickerdoodle and Cookie. OOOOMGGGEEEE.

Wearing: Lululemon Studio Pants. They’re lined and so cozy comfy. Definitely helpful on these chilly nights!   

Following:  All the hoopla around Making a Murderer. Where is all the blood?!? If he didn’t do it, who did?? If you don’t know what I’m referring to – stop reading this and immediately put on the Netflix series. Proceed to watch all 10 episodes at once. You’ll love and hate me all at once.

Noticing: How many fellow fitness competitors struggle with body dysmorphia. Sadly I couldn't see the forest through the trees while I was prepping, but now I read the posts these girls share via social media and it can be truly heartbreaking. A pound, ab definition, half a body fat percentage. The smallest variances from their show-ready physique spiral them into depression and dangerous habits including binge eating and purging. 

Knowing: I need to stop using “I work from home” to excuse going days without applying makeup and styling my hair. Is winter making anyone else lazy pants?!?!

Thinking: I need to eat more vegetables. Thanks for prepping for my fitness competition last year, I literally cannot stomach the thought of eating asparagus. Or steamed green beans. I’ve since slightly retaliated and began carb-loading for a fictitious marathon I am not currently training for.

Feeling: Grateful. I’m healthy. My parents are healthy. I’m in love. I have wonderful friends. My job is going well. My house is cozy and comfortable. Life is good.

Bookmarking: All sorts of articles on boosting productivity while living a simpler life. This article was particularly good! I’m a sucker for anything that makes me think twice about how I’m spending my time!

Opening: Bottles of wine. Ha! Funny yet true. Some of my recent faves include: Releaf Organic Cabernet Blend, Shatter Grenache, and Petit Petite Syrah by Michael David. If you’re at all into red wines, give em all a try! One is better than the next. 

What have you been up to lately? Read any good books? Try any new healthy recipes or taste some good wine? I want to hear from you!

XO, 

Jenn

NPC Bikini: 2 Weeks Out. Brain-Dead, Tired and Hangry

17 Days. I can do it. I can do iiiiiit. Can't I?! 

Mental State:

• Hunger. Intense feelings of hunger - aka HANGRY pains. I literally think about food 90% of the day. The other 10% I'm asleep.
• Doubt. Am I ready? Since this is my first show, I have no benchmark on how I should feel/look. Am I lean enough? Is my stomach flat enough? Are my glutes getting TOO flat? It's been a hard balance to strike - leaning out while keeping any size on me. I'm losing weight rapidly without really changing much - so I'm almost a bit nervous of coming out on stage looking flat... but I am trusting the process, my coach and my body. Whichever shape I bring out on stage is the shape I'm meant to have on show day. 
• Fog. Not like London Fog. MENTAL fog. I've gone grocery shopping without my wallet THREE times. I've missed calls at work. I constantly leave the house and realize I've forgotten something once I'm driving out of the neighborhood. I'm just completely OUT.OF.IT. 
• Grateful. I've worked SO hard since May for this body, and it's been great to me. Thank g-d I've had no injuries - I may be small, but I'm mighty! I'm also greatful for my friends, my coach, my teammates and everyone who has stuck by my side and given me words of encouragement when I wanted to cry, quit or both!
• Excitement. Thanks to my awesome teammates, I'm excited for show weekend!! As I've mentioned, hair, tan and makeup are all booked. Now it's fun thinking about lounging around with girlfriends and enjoying the event itself.  
• Guilt. I'm feeling guilty for having thoughts of pushing a small child out of my way for a brownie. Or a Quest Bar. Or a protein shake. Or anything OTHER than chicken, fish, green beans  or asparagus. 

Workouts:

• So.Over.Cardio. It's not even that I hate cardio (kinda do, but it's a necessary evil) - it's just that I'm so tired. It's hard for me to get motivated to power through sprints and stairmill circuits when all I want to do is nap! I've started taking High Volume by PEScience and love it. Totally helps give you a pump with zero caffeine. If only it would take away my cravings for food other than chicken and asparagus!
• Still powering through my lifting sessions. I actually got the chance to meet Lee Haney a few weeks ago at my coach's gym - what a nice guy!! He went up to Coach Steve and said "Hey Steve, is that one of your competitors? She looks beautiful." I had no idea who he was! Steve looked at me and said "You do realize that is Lee Haney himself, right?" Color me embarrassed. Here I was, bitching and moaning through 5 sets of pull-ups in front of a bodybuilding legend!

Nutrition:

• I'm trying my best, but hot damn I'm OVER this diet. Eating chicken or fish 7 times a day is just not fun folks. Especially when you factor in zero sodium. Actually, that's a lie. I've been using mustard or hot sauce - but those are gone 2 weeks out. So now it's plain 'ol protein. It's a constant internal battle between I'm so hungry and I hate the way this fish tastes.
• I want carbs. All the carbs. I've been trying to de-bloat my belly however possible and cutting starchy carbs was the first way. So now I'm eating 4oz of butternut squash with some cinnamon as my carb source for lunch & dinner. I'm still having my WHOPPING 1/4 cup old-fashioned oats in water for breakfast. I swear, I long for the mornings of oatmeal with almonds and a cut up banana. 
• Like I mention above, I'm trying to do whatever I can to get rid of any last belly bloat before the show. So a new nightly ritual of Dandelion tea and chugging lemon water are now part of my daily routine. 

Life Lately:

• I went to a friend's wedding over the weekend and rocked a new dress (which fit when I bought it 3 weeks ago but I had to have it taken in last minute!). I was proud of myself for having ZERO alcohol at the wedding, zero wedding cake (although I did try a bite of a french macaron - my all time fave), snacking on a Quest bar during cocktail hour and making good decisions on clean veggies and lean protein during the reception. It was NOT easy - but I made it happen. Mind over matter. . 

Late night abs: 

Week 10 Recap... and the Gift Fitness Has Given Me

I've been asked countless times why I entered a fitness competition and what prompted me to take a plunge into the fitness world. The answer is a long one, so let's get to my week 10 recap first!

Workouts
I'm still lifting heavy and pushing for PRs each and every workout. It's fun seeing my delts really take shape - probably because I've been grunting and groaning my way through shoulder day (no secret I'm not the biggest fan of training upper body). But, I can't complain because I'm seeing changes take shape and it's pretty damn amazing. Excited and terrified to hit tris/back/abs/calves with Coach Steve this week!

Nutrition
Thankfully there were no sneaky Twizzler cravings this past week! I've had a great handle on my cravings and I think it's due in part to Muscle Egg. That stuff is the BOMB. If you're looking for a super tasty way to get in extra protein and squash your sweet tooth, buy it!! The smallest order you can place is two gallon jugs, but they arrive par-frozen and you can keep one in the freezer while you refrigerate (and drink) the other. Chocolate caramel is so damn tasty and has allowed me to cut protein powder pretty much completely out. Probably why I'm seeing more ab definition this week over last. Amazing what the tiny tweaks in our diets will do!

Mental State
Aside from a fun trip to the farmer's market trolling for some new veggies to cook with, I stayed happy (and busy!) this weekend seeing girlfriends, checking out that new movie Train Wreck, hang with my Team House of Payne for posing, practiced my golf swing (which needs some MAJOR help, FYI) and hanging by the pool. It was a great weekend that went by way too fast. Next Saturday is a cheat - and my tummy is ready for pizza and a cookie :) Ah, the little things in life! 

On to My Fitness Journey
This journey has been about so much more than the size of my jeans or the dimensions of my waist. I've never been a skinny girl. I was never the tall girl with awkwardly thin legs that went on for days. I didn't excel at track and I struggled with body image from the ripe ol age of 10. As I transitioned into my teenage years, as some girls do, I began developing feelings of hatred towards my body. Why aren't I skinny enough? Why won't my boobs grow like my friends? My hips are too big. My pants aren't small enough. It was around the age of 12 that I embarked on a decade-long battle with a dangerous eating disorder that had a vice-like hold on me until I finally sought help in my early 20s. If I began to tell that story, this post would go on for days - so I'll fast forward to my 27th year of life, when I finally overcame my eating disorder and faced life as a newly-single woman. 

The very day my ex-husband moved out of home, I laced up an old, dusty pair of running shoes that took up residence in the back of my closet and "headed out for for a run." Honestly, I didn't even know what that meant. You always hear people say "I'm so stressed, I'm going for a run!" I didn't even make it 1/4 mile before I had to stop and turn around. But I didn't let it discourage me. Every single day that week, I laced up my sneakers and walked out the door. I mixed walking with jogging until I finally made it 1 whole mile without stopping. And so my fitness journey began.

It's been nearly 5 years since that hot, sunny day when I set out on my first run and since I have completed countless road races of varying distances from 5-15k, endless trail runs with variously intense elevations, 18 months of CrossFit including a few competitions, one triathlon, and a barre/Pilates certification. 

I'd say the greatest gift fitness has afforded me is the ability to wake up feeling proud of the skin I'm in. I strive to be a great woman all around (after all, my jean size does NOT equate to the size of my heart) - but fitness has granted me the ability to step into my closet everyday and put on any article of clothing I want, and feel proud. It hasn't given me my life "back," mainly because I don't think I really knew who I was before it. My early 20s were spent fighting so hard to stay in a marriage with someone who was never happy with himself, let alone being married to me. Our daily battles shaped me to be a woman who acquiesced on everything, putting my goals and desires on a shelf simply to please someone else. And now, fitness has afforded me the opportunity to be selfish (in a positive way) and focus on myself. I no longer feel guilty about spending 2 hours in the gym, 4 hours hiking outside on the weekends, or spending my hard earned money on gym clothes/a coach/gym membership. I can finally make investments in myself, free of guilt! 

It is my genuine hope that all my readers - men and women alike - read my story and see themselves in it. Whether you're married and feeling guilty for taking time away from your family to work out, newly divorced and scared to start over, or single and just looking to get in better shape... just know that you're not alone. I cannot sugar coat it and say it'll be easy. It won't. But the great (and terrible) news is, your mind will quit 1,000,000 times before your body ever will. We are resilient and strong creatures. Set your mind to a goal - however big or small - and stay determined. Remain squarely focused on the fire residing within you and don't stop until you're proud.

XO,
Jenn

7 Things I Learned Once I Quit Drinking

1. My social life has diminished... And I'm okay with it. 

Being the only sober one at the bar gets old. So does explaining to everyone why I'm "just drinking water." Why is everyone worried about what I am or am not drinking?? It's been fun watching potential suitors get creative in planning dates, coming up with fun activities such as bike riding, meeting for a lifting session at the gym, cooking clean dinners together, taking our dogs to a local dog park and taking my barre class (major brownie points there!). On the flip side, I've had some winners say "call me when you can grab a drink." Others have called me a real "challenge," complaining how hard it is to come up with a date that doesn't involve drinking. And they say all the good ones are gone...

2. My true friends could care less. 

We've gone to concerts, met for lunches/dinners/coffee (whether I bring my own food or not), spa dates, turned Wine Wednesdays into Walking Wednesdays around our local park, you name it! My good girlfriends are content laying on the other end of the couch in our sweatpants, talking about life lately and could care less that I'm not partaking in our old happy hours or wine dates. They support my goals and encourage me on a daily basis. For those ladies - thank you. I love you girls to the moon and back!

3. I'm saving money. Sort of. 

While I may not be indulging in monthly wine clubs and $15 glasses of wine when I go out, I am "treating" myself to non-food/booze related treats such as massages, facials and a bit of retail therapy. I think if I compared bank statements, I may be spending more now, the funds are simply being reallocated to other things that make me happy!

4. I am early to bed, early to rise. 

Between long workouts first thing in the morning and skipping late night partying, I'm early to bed and early to rise nowadays. My sleeping patterns are predictable and the quality of rest I get is amazing. Considering I'm always on the go and cramming a ton into each and every day, getting sleep at night is critical.  

5. Hangovers are things of the past. 

WOO HOO! Gosh I don't miss hangovers. Head pounding, dehydration setting in. I sure don't miss that feeling. I've always been the one to experience a hangover after just a few drinks and there is no love lost between me and waking up in the middle of the night with a dry mouth and splitting headache. Given the fact that booze changes our levels of serotonin and other neurotransmitters in our brains, I'd often wake up the day after a long night feeling a little down and a bit anxious. The scale was always higher on Monday morning than it was on Friday. These days, anxiety is a thing of the past, and the scale is ALWAYS lower on Monday than it was on Friday. I'll take it ;)

6. I face my feelings/fears instead of numbing them. 
Being perfectly honest, going out and having drinks with friends was a way to cut loose. It was a way to forget work stress, feelings of sadness about an ex, anxiety about being single and never meeting a great guy... Looking back, I realize I was drinking away feelings I didn't want to confront. Now, whether it's talking to friends or family or in the comfort of my own home on a Friday night, I face those fears. I confront my feelings head on so I can understand them and move forward. Keeping a clear head has really helped me understand the beauty of turning the page - because there is much more to the book than the page I was stuck on.

7. Becoming more present in my daily life has been the biggest reward. I find myself being who I am - without apologies, without excuses. Without any masks and without covering up any of my truth. I am living the life I'm intended to live - as I truly am. Preparing for my competition has been a blessing because as each day passes, I embrace the broken pieces that have carried over from my past. I used to fear that I may never find someone to love me despite those cracks. Now, I realize that's as nonsensical as saying sunlight is incapable of entering a broken window and illuminating a dimly lit room. Not only will I find someone who loves me just as I am, but I happen to be falling more in love with the reflection in the mirror more than ever before. I have healed myself - I've managed to train my mind the same way I train my body. Often times, we think we're victims - to our past, to our current circumstances. But we're capable of so much more! I stopped looking for love - and started simply giving it away to those who deserve it. For the first time in a long time, I am genuinely happy with my life - exactly where it is today, without wishing to change a single thing. And I happen to wholeheartedly agree with Audrey Hepburn - Happiest girls really are the prettiest.

XO,
Jenn

6th Week NPC Prep + A Letter to Myself

Workouts
Booty, booty rockin everywhereeeeee!! I must say, 6 weeks in I am getting SO excited. It's hard when you look at your body every day - sometimes you don't see the evolution as clearly as others. But over the past week or so, I've really been motivated with the changes I am seeing in my body. Still crushing my workouts (never missing one and bringing the intensity!) I really can see results - especially in my glutes, hammies and abs. I have NEVER been able to get definition in my abs. Whether I was running 6 days a week, in the throws of my eating disorder, or trying to do things the healthy way, my mid-section has always been my "trouble zone." Even Coach Steve told me - sit tight, your trouble zones will come in last. I am happy to report my abs are flatter and tighter - and definition is coming thru! Couldn't be more excited. And speaking of being excited, holy tush!!! Comparing my pictures week over week, my backside is getting higher and tighter. I went out Saturday night with girlfriends and couldn't wait to throw on my short shorts. Well hello, hammies! It's really amazing what heavy deadlifts, squats, lunges, kickbacks and extensions will do. I am in awe - and loving how the hard work is finally paying off! My triceps are still weak (skull crushers are impossibly hard - why?!) and upper body is continuing to be my least favorite to train, but I'm hitting shoulders and bis per Steve's orders and slowly but surely, they're coming along. Pics to come soon :)



Nutrition
For those of you who have asked, here is what my current supplementation plan looks like:

Cellucor Cor-Performance Whey and Dymatize ISO-100 (I alternate between brands to keep my taste buds guessing!)
Optimum Nutrition Glutamine - 1 scoop immediately following a lifting session 
Optimum Nutrition Pro BCAA - 1 scoop during my workouts (I drink them during barre class and while I lift)
Optimum Nutrition ZMA - 2 capsules at bedtime

ZMA - a supplement comprised of Zinc, Magnesium and B6 assists athletes with enhancing muscle recovery, boosting muscle size and strength and potentially aiding in fat loss and has been my saving grace lately. You can read more about the supplement and its benefits here. The first week of prep I was sleeping like a boss, but that was short lived. After week 2, I began waking up around 3-4 am every night, unable to fall back asleep! Now I take 2 ZMA pills before bedtime and sleep like a baby, waking up feeling well rested with tons of energy. With training 90 minutes a day and teaching my barre classes, not sleeping is NOT an option. I was nervous if I didn't find a "natural" remedy, I would have to go to see my physician, but thankfully they do the trick! 

Favorite Meals: 

Yummy pancake con cafe!

Breakfast: 1/3 cup oats mixed with 2/3 cup egg whites cooked up like a pancake. Mix a little whey and water for a chocolate "drizzle" and top with 1/2 cup fruit (mashed banana or cherries are my fave lately!). 
Mid-morning snack: 3 oz plain non-fat Greek yogurt topped with 1/2 cup fresh pitted cherries (I look like I've committed mass murder when I'm done, but oh so worth it!) and 1 oz raw almonds. Yummy in my tummy.
Lunch: Eh, anything goes. I usually keep it simple. 3 oz ground turkey, 4 oz sweet potato "fries" and 3/4 cup whichever veggie I have readily available. Some days I cook up sugar snap peas (my favorite) and on particularly lazy days, I cut a cucumber in half and just munch on that (a sight to be seen, really!). 

Fajitas!

Mid-afternoon snack: 3 oz chicken with 2 oz avocado and 3/4 cup whatever veggie I'm craving (sometimes I skip the veggie entirely - a girl can only eat so much!)

Dinner: Chicken, grilled onions and peppers rolled in butter lettuce (Hello, fajitas!) alongside sweet potato "fries".
Pre-Bed Meal: Hands down my favorite of the day. 1 scoop Whey protein combined with water, ice and 1/2 frozen banana. I lay on the couch with the shake and my kindle, and Lucy curled up by my side. Life is good! 


Cravings: In anticipation for an upcoming cheat meal, I am craving fro-yo and Twizzlers! And sushi :)



Mental State
I'm happy to report, things are great! There are days when my body feels tired, or I don't feel so strong in the gym, but the moments are short-lived and I'm able to keep pushing through. I think seeing the changes in my body is really what helps drive me. I also love spending my Saturday afternoons at posing practice - there is something really comforting about being up on stage with my fellow competitors, talking about our struggles, laughing as we pose near-naked on a stage in a busy gym... it's just nice chatting with other guys and girls living the same lifestyle as me. Dating during prep is so oddly challenging. It's really interesting just how much dating is centered around dinners and drinks. Honestly though, I am so focused on my career, training, teaching, keeping my diet tight and spending quality time with Lucy and friends, that dating isn't top of mind at this stage in the game. I've done a lot of thinking lately - about what I want and the type of person I want it with... and I've been trying to read a bit more, pray a bit more. Recently I came across this quote that sums up my mental state right now: "At some point you just have to let go of what you thought should happen and live in what is happening." If you would've asked me a year ago where I'd be today, I would have said picking out monogrammed sheet sets. But here I am. And that's okay! I am completely content waiting for what I deserve, and refusing to settle for less. I've started to compare my love life to reading a new book. Sometimes you read the first few pages and think "Oh crap, this sucks!" and want to drop the book like a hot potato. But you have to read through it to understand the next few chapters and ultimately, the story in its entirety. I'm trying not to look back, nor am I trying to skip any pages. I'm taking it one page at a time, just believing and having faith that tomorrow could be even more beautiful than I ever imagined. 

A Letter to Myself
I recently came across a note I wrote to myself the night before I started competition prep. Thought it was too good not to share - and applies to us all as we embark on various journeys through life. I hope if you're going through any sort of challenge, this letter invigorates you and gives you the motivation you need to keep on truckin!

"It's going to be hard. Keep going, remembering why you started. It's hard to wake up uncomfortable every day stuck in a body you're not completely satisfied with. It's hard to prep your meals, say no to happy hour and pack your food. Choose your hard. Stay focused. Stay determined. You can do anything, sweet girl!

Remember the morning you found out Grandma suddenly passed away? What about the day you realized you wanted to end your marriage? The day you lost sweet Tiffany. You never knew how you'd dig yourself out of the grief. And yet here you are, standing tall. You made it through to the other side. You have your happy back! This experience is teaching you that you can do any damn thing you set your mind to. Be soft, yet strong. Let yourself be open to whatever and whomever life sends your way. Let your past make you better, never bitter."

XO,
Jenn

Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat

I recently stumbled upon an article titled “8 Overlooked Factors to Overcome Failure – in Sports, Business, Relationships and Beyond” by Garret Kramer and wanted to share it with you all. Kramer writes that we shouldn’t try to control our thoughts as we progress through the stages following a perceived failure, but challenge ourselves to dive into the thoughts themselves - experiencing and analyzing them so we can come out on the other side having learned the necessary lessons instead of pretending they didn’t happen to avoid feeling the pain. Essentially, in order for us to learn what was intended from the experience and prevent it from happening again, we must let ourselves grieve and work through the questions, uncertainties and frustrations. Easier said than done, am I right? 

Take a look at the list below - and consider how these items hold weight in your personal quest for success, contentment, and long-term productivity:

1. People who overcome failure do not try to control their thoughts.

The human mind is designed to find clarity by replacing old thought with fresh thought. Those who thwart this process by trying to look on the bright side only perpetuate their own struggles, disappointments, and confusion.

My response: I've done some crazy stuff to try and keep thinking positively. During a breakup, I actually heeded the advice of a friend and placed a rubber band on my wrist - snapping it each time thoughts of my ex popped up. All I was left with was a raw wrist (and a little resentment towards my friend and myself for buying into the dumb idea). I think it's a bit healthier to say - I will accept my thoughts, letting them come and go naturally as they occur. If I'm feeling happy, BE HAPPY. If I happen to be feeling sad, I will allow myself to be sad, only if I take the time to understand WHY I'm feeling sadness. Can I change the situation? Good, make a change. Am I feeling sad over a past love? Stop romanticizing the person who hurt me. Ultimately we should spend less time trying to change our thoughts and a bit more time getting to the root of the thought, so we can prevent them from reoccurring in the first place! 

2. People who overcome failure know the difference between their life and their life situations.

Your life is a constant; your life situations are always in flux. One key to overcoming failure is to grasp that losing has no bearing on your level of self-worth or esteem.

My response: AMEN! This point is precisely why I'm writing this post today. Lately, in a very uncharacteristic manner for myself, I have had a hard time distinguishing my life situations from my actual life. Meaning? Well, let's say I have a particular set back... maybe I missed a meal or didn't push myself as hard as I should during training. Suddenly I'm not going to be ready for my show. Or I miss the mark with a project at work. All of a sudden I'm failing and surely everyone can notice. These feelings are quite honestly such a far departure from how I normally conduct myself. Usually I am a very self-confident person. I know what I can offer a company, a friend, a man. I rarely doubt my own self-worth, so you can imagine how difficult it has been in the moments when I let a singular life situation cloud my judgement on my actual life. Let this be a reminder to all of us that we can get knocked down 8 times, so long as we get up 9.

3. People who overcome failure rarely set goals. 

My response: As a self-admitted "goal-setter," this was eye-opening. After my divorce 4+ years ago, I set a goal to become more fit. I took up running and began checking off goals such as hitting the gym at least 5 days a week and completing a 5,10 AND 15k. The next year I stepped up my goal-setting and joined CrossFit and began competing. The following year I set a monster goal and completed a triathlon. And last year was no different. I set a goal to become certified to teach barre and landed a gig with (in my opinion) the best studio here in Atlanta. And this year - as all my readers are well aware, I've set the goal to compete in an National Physique Committee (NPC) show (I'm coming for you, Music City Muscle Championships!!). And those are only my fitness related goals!! If I went into my goals surrounding friends, family, G-d and relationships, you'd be reading for days! I guess my point is, Kramer's article opened up my eyes to the possibility that my goal-setting may be limiting my options! The silver lining in missing a goal is that those who overcome failure recognize that any and all outcomes are an opportunity for growth, new possibilities, and future achievement.

4. People who overcome failure know that their reality is created from the inside out. 

Your experience does not create your state of mind; your state of mind creates your experience. It’s perfectly reasonable to feel upset if you don’t win, but those who learn from the experience of losing know that their thinking, and not the loss itself, is the cause of the upset. The outcome (the loss) remains, but your thinking and your perspective is guaranteed to change.
My response: There aren't many things as powerful as a positive mindset. The ability to see the beauty around you, even when things aren't perfect (when is life really perfect, anyway?!). I think everyone, to some degree, struggles with this - but it's true - when we let ourselves see the positivity and blessings around us, things are just.... easier :)

5. People who overcome failure know that external circumstances are neutral. 

Why is it that one moment we can be distraught about a circumstance like losing a competition, and then the next moment look at the exact same circumstance and wonder why we were so down in the first place? The reason is that outside events and situations are purely neutral. Your current state of mind creates all of your external perceptions; realize this and you can overcome anything.
My response: Miss out on a promotion? Experience a painful breakup? Show up to hot yoga 15 minutes late and the door is locked (ha, that recently happened to me and I was super pissed!)? The common denominator in all of those circumstances - they're just that. Outside events/occurrences. It's crucial that in order to maintain our well-being (and sanity!), we take accountability for our state of mind. I've quoted Buddha and I'll do it again - what we think, we become. 

6. People who overcome failure use their feelings as their guide. 

There is nothing wrong with you if you can’t shake a disappointment. But remember, the “off” feeling in your gut is actually an intuitive sign that your thinking and perceptions are momentarily off-kilter. Those who prosper from a loss know better than to fight through a momentary lack of clarity.
Me: AH! THIS is everything. Trust YO gut. Our intuition rarely leads us astray. 

7. People who overcome failure distrust their thoughts when they are low. 

Human beings do not see life clearly when they are low. Therefore, one secret to overcoming failure is to not believe what you think when this type of mood sets in. Resilient individuals allow insights, and answers, to arrive because they know that in a low state of mind their thinking is not helpful.
My response: I've heard quite often - "Don't make permanent decisions based on temporary emotions," and this point Kramer makes is spot on. When we are feeling sad or low, we should be wise enough to not believe everything we think in those moments of darkness. Stay strong and have faith that after every storm comes the sun. 

8. People who overcome failure employ stillpower — not willpower. 

What happens if you press the gas pedal when your tires are stuck in mud? The key to conquering failure is to see that if you leave your letdowns unattended, your state of mind will clear and the answers will become obvious. Win or lose, every competition, relationship, or experience is leading you inward — where the gold truly rests.

My response: How many times have we all spun our wheels, stuck in a less than favorable situation and tried with all our might to fight our way out, when in reality, the simplest thing to do is let things unfold exactly how they're intended. My mother always told me growing up that "everything comes out in the wash" and it couldn't be more true. Every heart break, every failure, every trial - they all lead us closer towards defining who we are as individuals. Let go from work? I'm sure it made you a more conscious employee in your next role. Experienced a traumatic breakup? I bet you're a better partner now after learning what you needed from your past relationship. Treat each experience in your life as an opportunity to collect data. Lean into the pain - don't fight your way through it. Breath deeply and let life consume you. We are all on individual journeys - and sometimes the best views surface after the hardest climbs. 

XO,
Jenn

2015 Bucket List - Better Get Crackin!!

Today I stumbled upon a list I created the first week of January – a whole slew of things I wanted to accomplish in 2015. Thankfully, quite a few of these bad boys can be checked off, but boy – I still have a ways to go!! Good thing the year is just about halfway over. Time to make some memories!

What about you? Do you create lists of must-dos? If so, have I missed any good ones?

Stay tuned as I work my way through all SIXTY-FIVE!!

1.      Change someone's life for the better

2.      Champagne picnic in the park

3.      Change my hair cut/color

4.      Clean out cloa

5.      Dine by candlelight only

6.      Do something outside my normal comfort zone

7.      Donate to charity

8.      Email a friend I haven't heard from in a while

9.      Find an interesting ancestor (genealogy)

10.  Floss more

11.  Forgive myself

12.  Get a good tan

13.  Get lost in a great book

14.  Go camping

15.  Take a dance class

16.  Go ice skating

17.  Go jet skiing

18.  Go on a no budget spending spree

19.  Go on a spa vacation

20.  Go on vacation by myself

21.  Go on a romantic vacation

22.  Go skinny dipping

23.  Go to hot yoga

24.  Go to a concert

25.  Go to a jazz club

26.  Go to a restaurant I haven’t been to

27.  Go to a professional golf tournament

28.  Have a girls weekend away

29.  Have a golf lesson

30.  Have a pajama party

31.  Have a spa day with friends

32.  Help build a habitat for humanity house

33.  Host a dinner party

34.  Jump in a pool fully clothed

35.  Kiss in the rain

36.  Learn how to fix something myself in the house

37.  Learn my blood type

38.  Make a new friend

39.  Make my parents proud

40.  Learn to meditate

41.  Movie night with friends

42.  Not work for 7 days straight

43.  Read a chick lit book and not feel guilty

44.  Redecorate a room

45.  Run another 15k

46.  See a long-lost friend 

47.  See my parents more often

48.  Start a journal / blog

49.  Stay in PJs all day

50.  Stay up all night 

51.  Sunbathe topless

52.  Swim in a natural hot spring

53.  Take a cooking class

54.  Take PTO, just because

55.  Take a risk: When my head says don't do something, do it anyway

56.  Take a spontaneous roadtrip

57.  Take a wine tasting class

58.  Throw a dart at a map and go where it lands

59.  Visit a Buddhist temple

60.  Volunteer

61.  Run for cancer

62.  Watch planes land from a hood of a car

63.  Watch the sun set into the ocean

64.  Watch the sunrise 

65.  Write a handwritten love letter