Week 10 Recap... and the Gift Fitness Has Given Me

I've been asked countless times why I entered a fitness competition and what prompted me to take a plunge into the fitness world. The answer is a long one, so let's get to my week 10 recap first!

Workouts
I'm still lifting heavy and pushing for PRs each and every workout. It's fun seeing my delts really take shape - probably because I've been grunting and groaning my way through shoulder day (no secret I'm not the biggest fan of training upper body). But, I can't complain because I'm seeing changes take shape and it's pretty damn amazing. Excited and terrified to hit tris/back/abs/calves with Coach Steve this week!

Nutrition
Thankfully there were no sneaky Twizzler cravings this past week! I've had a great handle on my cravings and I think it's due in part to Muscle Egg. That stuff is the BOMB. If you're looking for a super tasty way to get in extra protein and squash your sweet tooth, buy it!! The smallest order you can place is two gallon jugs, but they arrive par-frozen and you can keep one in the freezer while you refrigerate (and drink) the other. Chocolate caramel is so damn tasty and has allowed me to cut protein powder pretty much completely out. Probably why I'm seeing more ab definition this week over last. Amazing what the tiny tweaks in our diets will do!

Mental State
Aside from a fun trip to the farmer's market trolling for some new veggies to cook with, I stayed happy (and busy!) this weekend seeing girlfriends, checking out that new movie Train Wreck, hang with my Team House of Payne for posing, practiced my golf swing (which needs some MAJOR help, FYI) and hanging by the pool. It was a great weekend that went by way too fast. Next Saturday is a cheat - and my tummy is ready for pizza and a cookie :) Ah, the little things in life! 

On to My Fitness Journey
This journey has been about so much more than the size of my jeans or the dimensions of my waist. I've never been a skinny girl. I was never the tall girl with awkwardly thin legs that went on for days. I didn't excel at track and I struggled with body image from the ripe ol age of 10. As I transitioned into my teenage years, as some girls do, I began developing feelings of hatred towards my body. Why aren't I skinny enough? Why won't my boobs grow like my friends? My hips are too big. My pants aren't small enough. It was around the age of 12 that I embarked on a decade-long battle with a dangerous eating disorder that had a vice-like hold on me until I finally sought help in my early 20s. If I began to tell that story, this post would go on for days - so I'll fast forward to my 27th year of life, when I finally overcame my eating disorder and faced life as a newly-single woman. 

The very day my ex-husband moved out of home, I laced up an old, dusty pair of running shoes that took up residence in the back of my closet and "headed out for for a run." Honestly, I didn't even know what that meant. You always hear people say "I'm so stressed, I'm going for a run!" I didn't even make it 1/4 mile before I had to stop and turn around. But I didn't let it discourage me. Every single day that week, I laced up my sneakers and walked out the door. I mixed walking with jogging until I finally made it 1 whole mile without stopping. And so my fitness journey began.

It's been nearly 5 years since that hot, sunny day when I set out on my first run and since I have completed countless road races of varying distances from 5-15k, endless trail runs with variously intense elevations, 18 months of CrossFit including a few competitions, one triathlon, and a barre/Pilates certification. 

I'd say the greatest gift fitness has afforded me is the ability to wake up feeling proud of the skin I'm in. I strive to be a great woman all around (after all, my jean size does NOT equate to the size of my heart) - but fitness has granted me the ability to step into my closet everyday and put on any article of clothing I want, and feel proud. It hasn't given me my life "back," mainly because I don't think I really knew who I was before it. My early 20s were spent fighting so hard to stay in a marriage with someone who was never happy with himself, let alone being married to me. Our daily battles shaped me to be a woman who acquiesced on everything, putting my goals and desires on a shelf simply to please someone else. And now, fitness has afforded me the opportunity to be selfish (in a positive way) and focus on myself. I no longer feel guilty about spending 2 hours in the gym, 4 hours hiking outside on the weekends, or spending my hard earned money on gym clothes/a coach/gym membership. I can finally make investments in myself, free of guilt! 

It is my genuine hope that all my readers - men and women alike - read my story and see themselves in it. Whether you're married and feeling guilty for taking time away from your family to work out, newly divorced and scared to start over, or single and just looking to get in better shape... just know that you're not alone. I cannot sugar coat it and say it'll be easy. It won't. But the great (and terrible) news is, your mind will quit 1,000,000 times before your body ever will. We are resilient and strong creatures. Set your mind to a goal - however big or small - and stay determined. Remain squarely focused on the fire residing within you and don't stop until you're proud.

XO,
Jenn

Week Five: NPC Bikini Prep Complete!

Well, hello Week 5! You came fast :)

Workouts

OMG. This past Saturday I had the brainy idea to run a 10k trail run up in the Goergia Mountains. Coach Steve warned me since I've been out of the cardio game for 5 weeks and basically work my legs to complete exhaustion with heavy weights nearly every day, the run would be challenging. I dismissed him - come on, I'm a runner!! Let's just say I managed to text my girlfriend mid-race to let her know they should go ahead and grab breakfast, because I would be out there for awhile!! Running is usually like therapy for me, but this run was painful. Each and every hill felt like needles digging into my calves - but I tried my best to stay positive, focus on the beautiful scenery and the amazing friend and tall, dark and handsome company I had waiting at the finish line. Regarding training, Coach Steve bumped my cardio up to 15 minutes of stairs (no holding on!) 4x per week. Usually I can squeeze it in, sometimes I have to come back to the gym at night - either way, the extra 5 minutes hasn't been anything I can't manage. I still don't know what's longer - a stair mill minute or a microwave minute! I've also been picking up extra barre classes this week as one instructor moved, another is getting married and another is traveling. Sometimes teaching feels like a bit of extra wear and tear on the body, but our amazing clients always put a smile on my face and make it worthwhile! At the request of folks asking to see some progress pictures, here's one - sans flexing. I'm finally getting some upper body definition and thankfully the waist continues to lean out (not bad considering I'm still bulking!). 

Nutrition 

Another cheat meal! WOO HOO. Mushroom and leek pizza accompanied by red wine at Thirteen Pies here in Atlanta never tasted so good. Such a simple concept, but I thoroughly enjoyed tasting the quality ingredients (CHEESE!) as well as tasting all the notes in a delicious bottle of Malbec. Wonderful company doesn't hurt, either :) Okay, and I also had half a chocolate chip cookie from Zoe's. Every time I've been in there, I literally DROOL over those things. I had never had one, so I knew when cheat day rolled around, I'd be on it like white on rice. Worth.Every.Bite.

Mental State

Look Ma, no workout clothes!!!

I'd say minus the poor performance at my race, I've felt great this past week. I had a fun-filled weekend, including our One Year Pink Barre Anniversary Party and had the chance to hang with these gorgeous ladies. The week/weekend was jam packed with some really special company and I loved every minute of it. It's amazing how I'm settling in to this routine and focusing on the positive aspects of my life at the moment - training and diet are important, but a secondary focus. Afterall, I want to be "Jenn", not "Jenn the Bikini Competitor in Training."

There was also a very cool spotting this week. My lower abs! Considering my abs are by far my most resistant to change (even with a clean diet and strict training program), I'm thrilled to see some progress here. I know it's a long road ahead for show-ready abs, but I'm getting there. Rome wasn't built in a day, folks!! 

As I embark on my second week of month #2, I'm getting even more excited for Nashvegas (even if everyone's reaction is always "OMG, November is so far!"). I booked a few hotel rooms for the weekend so friends can come cheer me on and help me celebrate post-show. It'll really be amazing to see how strong I am come competition time. On days when I feel like I'm not progressing, I just pull out the "before" pictures and tap into that motivation, letting the distance between where I came from and where I want to be drive me forward. And of course I continue to troll Instagram for daily motivation... today's quote was particularly motivating: "It's the days when the body aches, the desire is low, you feel tired and you feel week... those are the days when champions train."

XO,

Jenn

Run, Darling. Run.

Source: Instagram user rlvnt__

As a teenager, I used to think I didn't have strong enough legs for running. All my friends joined the track team in high school, and I opted for diving and field hockey. Let's keep it real - diving was fun and field hockey had the cutest uniforms. 

In college, I used to think I didn't have a strong enough mind for running. My sorority sisters would get out there in the 90+ degree Arizona sun and run. Run away their hangovers, run to get in better shape. I tried a few times, but it hurt!! My legs ached, I became short of breath... and I just figured I wasn't born a runner.

And now I've realized - no one is born a runner. It's not about strong legs or a strong mind. All you need to be a runner is strong ass heart.

This past Saturday I headed up to Waleska, Georgia with two girlfriends to run 9.6 miles around (and up!) Garland Mountain. The trail was incredible - portions were an old logging road that was conducive for picking up my pace and really pushing it. The 1100' elevation gain over the nearly 10 miles did NOT make PR'ing (PR - Personal Record!) a viable opportunity, but I quickly realized a few miles in that I was out there for fun, and not every race needs to be "won."

Post-run smiles! Fourth place in my age group felt great!

I'll be honest. At one point - as I stared up at the steep incline that laid in front of me - I thought "OMG. Is it over yet?!" Only to realize I'd barely made it .5 miles in. Truth be told, running isn't easy. No matter the distance, no matter the surface, I always (at some point) feel tightness in the chest, feel aching in my knees, feel like I can't take another step.

And then it happens. That "runners high" - usually 4 miles in. My legs feel lighter, my mind clears, and the endorphins hit.  This past Saturday happened to be my father's birthday - and as the miles rolled underneath my feet, thoughts of my dad were on my mind. 

When I was 16, my Dad had a heart attack, followed by quadruple bypass surgery to repair the damage to his heart. I couldn't imagine my life without him, and thanks to the graces of the good man above, I didn't have to. That whole ordeal really changed my outlook on what it truly means to be healthy. I joined a gym. I changed my eating habits. I made a conscious effort to keep my heart healthy for as long as possible (some heart disease is hereditary!).

I would have never considered myself a runner, but now I get so excited to lace up my shoes and head out for a run. It's an hour or two of uninterrupted time with yourself. You get your mind to shut up and your heart to speak up. You PUSH yourself with every step. Foot in front of foot, it's YOU vs YOU the entire way. 

Nowadays when I run, I actually feel SAD as I approach my last few miles. When that finish line appears in my line of sight, I always take a deep breath - and remind myself of one thing: this isn't getting easier, you're getting stronger. 

XO,
Jenn